Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Outsiders, Part Deux

When we last left our heroes, Johnny had just stabbed Cherry's boyfriend. Whoops, did I spoil it for you? Ponyboy wakes up to a dead body next to him and Johnny cradling a bloody knife. Pony (understandably) flips out a little and pukes up his movie popcorn.

Johnny says he and Pony need a plan, so who better to consult than the looniest person they know? They head over to a bar (?) where Dally is sleeping upstairs (also ?). If you've read the book, this scene makes a little more sense, but this is the movie version of the Outsiders, where stuff just... doesn't really make much sense.

Dally brings the boys up to his room (Not even going to be dirty-minded or suggestive here)(because seriously, if I tried I'd have Ralph Macchio related nightmares)(his eyes... are so huge) and congratulates Johnny on killing a Soc. Then he tells them to hop the train to a place called Windrixville and hide out in an old abandoned church. He gives them money to buy food and a gun (Just in case? Because he felt that Johnny's foray into murder wasn't effective enough when he was wielding a measly switchblade?). Oh, and he gives Ponyboy a shirt. Good. That sleeveless sweatshirt thing was giving me nightmares. You weren't pulling it off, C. Thomas.

The boys hop the train and settle in. They narrowly avoid being caught by some guys in the train yard who are so efficient at their job that I'm surprised Johnny and Pony went undetected as the train yard employee shined his flashlight half-assedly around the train car. Seriously. If you're going to insult my intelligence... you know what, just don't insult my intelligence.

The boys make their way to the church ("The church," Ponyboy helpfully tells us. Thanks.) and fall asleep. I know. It's a hard-knock life. When Ponyboy wakes up, Johnny is gone. He's out getting supplies. When he returns, he's got food, a copy of Gone With the Wind and a bottle of peroxide. Pony freaks out and says Johnny is not allowed to cut and dye his hair. Johnny tells him to chill and that they can't match their descriptions in the paper. Easy for him to say, since his make-over looks like this:

The little shit is even smiling about it.

And Ponyboy's make-over looks like this:

(Too bad the 'after' photo is of such poor quality. But actually... trust me, you don't want to see it up closer and in-focus)

Sorry for calling the boy's haircuts 'make-overs', I watch too much America's Next Top Model. Tyra would be PISSED about Ponyboy's look. Actually, she might shake her ass, smize and call it fierce for all we know.

The boys hang out at the church for WAY TOO LONG. They pass the time by smoking, playing cards, reading Gone With the Wind and reciting poetry to each other. Not kidding. Pony recites a poem to Johnny about "staying gold." Since they're teenage boys, they try to decide what Robert Frost meant when he wrote the poem, and then they tell each other that they're the only ones who understand each other.



Dallas shows back up in a blaze of... lunacy and delivers a letter to Ponyboy from his brother Soda. Soda tells Pony in the letter that he and Darry miss him and that Darry is sorry he hit Pony. When did Darry hit Pony? He shoved him, but I don't remember any hitting happening. Whatev.

Dally takes the boys to eat at Dairy Queen. I guess... nobody is concerned about being caught anymore? So they eat and Dallas tells the boys that things are really intense between the Socs and the Greasers. So intense that he's started carrying a gun. Like. Who is giving all these guns to Dallas Winston? Has everyone failed to notice that he's CERTIFIABLY INSANE? A really FUGLY LITTLE Sophia Coppola comes to the car while Dallas is showing the boys his gun (the weapon, you creeps) and asks Dallas for a dime. It's an (unintentionally) hilarious scene with Dally telling the little girl, "I don't have any money, man. Could you go away, please?" 'Man'? She's a seven year old girl, Dallas! Stop doing drugs!

Johnny asks if his parents have inquired after him. Dallas tells him no, in a surprisingly tactful way and somehow, this makes Johnny decide to turn himself in. Dallas is annoyed, bumbles a few lines but reluctantly agrees to take the boys back. He tells Johnny he doesn't want to see him become hardened by jail, like he became hardened by jail. Oh. That's what happened to you? My mistake. I thought maybe it just turned you batshit insane.

Driving back, the boys go by the church. Which looks a little different than the last time they were there in that it's on fire. Johnny and Pony rush out of the car, thinking they started the fire. A classroom of kids were apparently having a picnic or some...thing up at the church and one of the teachers screams in a panic that several children are missing. Johnny and Pony run inside to rescue the kids. They haul several kids out of the burning church until it becomes clear that the building is about to collapse. Pony makes it out okay, but Johnny doesn't. He gets trapped under a beam and Dallas runs in to rescue him... then fade to black as the church COLLAPSES.

Aw shit.


  1. Worst. Makeover. Ever.

    Also, who lets children play in an abandoned, fiery church? Was this written by a 15-year-old?

    1. yes ... I think S.E. Hinton was a junior at high school when she wrote it.

    2. yes ... I think S.E. Hinton was a junior at high school when she wrote it.

  2. Ahh I never actually saw this--just read the was not so much?

  3. It's actually amazing. It's godawfully amazing.

  4. I likes the book. I love the movie..or at least two-bit matthew. Hes hot :P :)